Learning from the “Baby” Failures
When people see the name “Failure Lab” - they often get a little confused. I mean, maybe for some people, dedicating time to talk about failure is interesting. But for most people, talking about failure is a little.. Scary? Depressing? Vulnerable? Pointless?
When we hear the word failure, it can be pretty natural for our brains to go to the big stuff. Divorce. Getting fired. Rejection. Debt. And while those things definitely trigger the big “failure” feelings for most people, they actually only represent a small fraction of what people talk about in our training.
The things that kick up “failure feelings” tend to happen on the daily - missing a deadline, snapping at a kid, fumbling with the Ikea assembly, saying the “wrong thing,” canceling plans, forgetting the quarter for Aldi cart (is that just me?). We spend so much time worrying about (and trying to avoid) those big failures, that it can be easy to dismiss the (daily) learning opportunity presented by the day to day “baby failures” that kick up the same response.
At Failure Lab we use experiences of failure and “failure response” as a direct path to and synonym for “stress response.” Most of us can agree that failures, big and small, set off a cascade of “negative” stress reactions in the brain. When you experience any type of stress (big, small, emotional, physical), the stress cycle is ignited. It is important to understand that when your body is in the midst of a stress cycle (fight/flight/freeze) the forebrain, which is responsible for rational logical thought, literally shuts down and will not “reboot” again until your body completes or interrupts its stress cycle.
And guess what? The good news is there’s a way to manage this better on the day to day, which is what Failure Lab training is all about. Specifically:
Awareness around failure concepts: The reality is, the dictionary definition of “failure” falls short when it comes to the actual meaning we all apply to the experiences we hit each day. Why does one person go dark when a goal is missed while another person spends time obsessing over the process and trying to find the mistake? The why matters less than the knowing. A big part of our training is around looking inward and learning more about what hits you the hardest so that you have a heightened ability to take care of yourself and function effectively when those moments show up. The curiosity of “oh, my brain goes here when X happens,” creates an opportunity to consider if your natural response is the most effective response.
Awareness around tendencies: Not surprisingly, we each have a set of tendencies that show up when failure or stress is imminent. They’re likely the same tendencies that allowed you to successfully cope with stress and got you to become the successful human that you are today.
We’ve created a Failure Archetype assessment in an effort to facilitate some of those initial conversations around your unique and personal relationship to failure. Are you overly optimistic and tend to avoid important facts in order to stay focused? Do you ruminate and obsess? Do you make an action plan and attack it at all costs? Again, we spend less time on the why of those tendencies, and more time getting curious about when and where they show up and how they do or don’t serve you in various situations.
Science and Practice: Listen, Failure Lab is not trying to reinvent the wheel and take credit for its brilliance. What we are trying to do is curate the very best, most accessible, and most applicable information and tools on the topics related to failure, stress, discomfort, mindfulness, compassion, self-awareness, self-talk, etc. and deliver them to you in a way that you can use to be your best and most effective self.
Big Truth #1
We will all fail. Some of those fails will be epic - the kind of experiences that knock you to the ground and redefine who you are as a person and how you view the world.
Big Truth #2
The skills and practices that can help you navigate the day to day bumps in the road are the SAME critical skills that you need when you have to peel yourself off the concrete after an epic fail. Resilience and endurance are built in the day to day.
Some of it is a little “woo woo,” but all of it works. The science is there. Our job is to create development opportunities that offer a menu of accessible and effective practices and skills. Your job is to try them on, dig deep within yourself, and chart the growth path that is right for you.
Chances are, it’s not the massive, abject failures that are leaving you exhausted, burnt out, and generally just feeling “meh” at everything. It's the day to day grind of life and the unending onslaught of micro-experiences that are kicking up failure feelings and stress hormones in your body and mind. Understanding your hardwired reactions gives insight and context that will help you be more skillful at navigating your life and relationships. You deserve the opportunity to go inward, to create space for personal reflection, and to gain the tools and practices needed to grow into the best and most effective version of yourself.
XO,
Chrissy Heyne - Senior Consultant & Facilitator