If Everyone is Failing...Does That Mean No One is Failing?
Hello, 2022. Do You think You could have wiped your shoes off when you WALKED iN THE DOOR?!?!?
Well, January 2022 turned out to be……let’s just call it what it is…….kind of a shit show. And while it does look like the world is close to turning a corner with Omicron, things are still….freaking hard.
Everything looks different. Work looks different. School looks different. Socializing looks different. In preparation for writing this article, I went back and reread an article that I wrote last summer entitled, “COVID - Shining a Light on Failure Everywhere.” I am here to report that the things I wrote last summer still hold true. Behold, the 6 main points from that article - and look - all still relevant today:
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
There Is An Awful Lot That We Can’t Control
There Are Some Things We Can Control
Globally, We are Systemically Fragile
Failure is Universal & Necessary
Resilience, Baby
….here we are….we made it to February, things seem to be approaching an upswing, but we are still here…so now what?!?!?
It’s All Relative
In the Failure Lab training curriculum we spend a lot of time digging into the varying “definitions of failure.” Failure is, by its very nature, a concept of comparison. What makes something a failure? Failure in comparison to what?
Failure - relative to success?
Failure - relative to expectations?
Whose expectations? Internal? External?
Is it a failure because we tried and it didn’t work out the way we wanted it to?
Is it a failure of avoidance - because we never even tried?!?!
There are so many things to unpack when it comes to definitions of failure and there is a lot of value to doing so - especially when it comes to understanding your relationship with yourself (and your irritatingly persistent inner voice) and when it comes to understanding your relationship and interactions with others. But let’s take time to focus on one idea that comes up over and over again in the analysis of failure - expectations.
Expectations
While it sometimes seems like we can’t agree on much when it comes to COVID, one of the things that we can agree on is that it has changed everything. It has turned this world upside down and impacted nearly every facet of life. So, that begs the incredibly relevant question, “Given the cumulative impact of things that we cannot control, what are reasonable expectations?” We in no way feel qualified to give a definitive answer on that question, but what we can do for you is provide you with a few prompts of self-reflection that might help you evaluate your expectations and to reframe them, if necessary.
Process vs. Results
How do you feel about celebrating process over results?
People fall into very different camps on this one. Some people are extremely result motivated. It is not a win, unless you actually win. Cross the finish line. Deliver the product. Execute the plan. Frankly, in a space where you can control a lot of the variables and there is not that much “random outside interaction,” this mindset can be extremely effective at progressing forward.
Currently, there are a lot of things outside of our control, which is requiring the creation of contingency plans (and contingency plans for the contingency plans) extremely necessary. In most cases, it is no longer possible to craft a plan, execute said plan, and then celebrate. There is something extremely satisfying about making a plan, imagining the execution in your mind, and then executing it - pretty damn close to how you imagined it in your mind.
Now we have to make 3 plans, 2 backup plans, and still remain flexible. Executing plans is still possible, but it requires a great deal more flexibility, both logistically and emotionally, to get from ideation to execution…..which makes the “celebrate the flawless execution” portion of the equation…..different….less direct.
BUT…..if we are celebrating effort and process, there is lots to celebrate.
UNDERSTANDING CHRONIC STRESS
We have all heard about the detrimental impact of chronic stress. Yale Medical School defines chronic stress as, “a consistent sense of feeling pressured and overwhelmed over a long period of time.” Sound familiar?
Even if you were chronically stressed before the pandemic (which you very well may have been), most of us were able to push through and stay functional and high performing. Could we have been more attentive to our stress? Yes, of course. Could we have been mentally and emotionally healthier? Probably. But we made due.
The pandemic has created a situation where the entire world is experiencing a prolonged period of pressure, overwhelm, and constant change. All at once. Every single one of us. Every one of us is experiencing chronic stress and the collective human population of the world is experiencing chronic stress. We have yet to fully understand what long term ramifications of that will be. From a purely intellectual perspective, it is going to be really interesting to see how this prolonged health crisis impacts the world and it will be amazing to see the ingenuity and resilience that is inspired through the hardship. Fascinating stuff.
BUT the point is that chronic stress is a real thing. Our nervous systems have been on high alert for more than two years and it has been showing up in a myriad of predictable ways. A list of possible symptoms of chronic stress (crafted pre-COVID) from our friends at Yale Medical School:
Aches and pains
Insomnia or sleepiness
A change in social behavior, such as staying in often
Low energy
Unfocused or cloudy thinking
Change in appetite
Increased alcohol or drug use
Change in emotional responses to others
Emotional withdrawal
If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, you can at least take comfort in the fact that there is a reason - a clinically documented reason. That isn’t a solution, but acknowledgement and understanding are an important first step.
Compassion & grace
The real “point” to all of this is - give yourself a break - give others a break. Extend compassion and grace to those around you and don’t forget yourself. Your “best” might look different today than it did in February of 2019 or 2020. Global pandemic or not, you are a different person today than you were two or three years ago.
The point of this article is not to prescribe what “reasonable expectations coming into year 3 of a global pandemic” should look like. Just like you, we have no freaking idea. But we are sure of a few things.
It will look different for everyone.
It will look different for you day to day and minute to minute.
Humans are resilient and innovative.
There are still things to celebrate.
So cut yourself some slack, be nice to strangers, put your damn grocery cart back in the corral, and know that you are not alone.
XO,
Anna Baeten @ Failure Lab